I
have been a big fan of Mandy Patinkin since I first saw him in Barbara
Streisand’s picture “Yentle.”
I
have followed him through Chicago Hope, Criminal Minds, and most recently in
Showtimes series, “Homeland.” I was intrigued that one of his elite CIA agents,Claire Danes (My So-called Life), suffers from severe bipolar one, as do I. I
think the way her disorder is portrayed is so close to home, it hurts me to
watch. Her manic episodes are so close to the ones I have suffered, it scrapes
the scabs raggedly off the scars that my disorder has carved into me.
As
with me, her disorder is well-managed with medications, but she, as with many
bipolars, occasionally does not take her medications, feeling that they dumb
her down…make her dull and unable to truly focus. In desperation, she even
willingly undergoes electro-convulsive therapy. I swore I would never do that,
but after years of suffering with no positive response to medications, I said, “Do
it.” After 14 treatments, my doctor discontinued the therapy citing that I had
suffered cognitive damage that outweighed the benefit.
Life
just isn’t fair. Still, I manage my illness. Few would ever guess I am bipolar.
I may not be quite as bright and shiny as I used to be. I have to work a little
harder these days to keep the train on the track. Next stop is sanity.
